The Best 'The' Wrestler in the World Match
by LordryuTJ
Summary: What do you get when you put five known wrestlers with the word "The" as the first letter of their wrestler name in an elimination Hell in a Cell match? This match was simulated by Zeus, a Pro Wrestling simulation program. Rated T for wrestling violence, blood and thumbtack bumps. Not much of a realistic simulation, either. Might make a sequel. Includes simulated commentary.


**Commentary Team Change**

**5 Man Battle Royal (Hell in the Cell) (Non-Title Match)**

**Howard Finkel** - The following is a 5 man Hell in the Cell battle royal.

[All 5 men are at the ring. (ring, ring, ring) They lockup. Mizanin sends Muta to the corner of the ring. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Good move.

[ Great Muta monkey flips Mizanin onto the mat. The Great Muta is up again. Miz stands up. Miz hits The Great Muta with the back of his elbow. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ Miz discus punches Great Muta. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Nothing is better than that.

[ Miz covers Muta. Referee Earl Hebner makes the count. ...1 ...2 Muta kicks out. ]

**Jim Ross** - Miz should have known better than to try for a pin at this point in the match.

[The Great Muta climbs to his feet. Mizanin bounces Great Muta off the ropes and clotheslines him. The Miz stomps Muta. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ The Awesome One stomps The Great Muta. The Awesome One comes from behind and bulldogs Great Muta. Miz stands up. Mizanin stomps The Great Muta's head. The Miz stomps Muta's head. Miz stomps Muta's head. Muta is back on his feet. After getadvantage m-wnum = 5 Great Muta executes an airplane spin on Miz. ]

**Jim Ross** - airplane spin!

[]

**Mike Tenay** - The Awesome One will never defeat The Great Muta if he fights like a girl!

[The Great Khali applies an arm wrench to The People's Champ. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ The People's Champ is back on his feet. The People's Champion bounces The Great Khali off the ropes and clotheslines him. The Rock punches The Great Khali repeatedly. ]

**Mike Tenay** - The People's Champion is probably in between winning and losing here.

[ Rock executes a headlock takedown. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[The Great Khali moves back to his feet. Khali executes a back breaker on The Rock. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Good move.

[ Khali swings a steel chair and hits The Rock. The Rock is bleeding as a result. The Great Khali executes the airplane spin and throws Dwayne onto the mat. Khali chants start. Khali scoops Dwayne up and drops him on the tacks. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - Can we see a replay?

[The Undertaker gets back to his feet. The Deadman uses a lariat on The Miz. Now The Miz standing. The Miz takes The Phenom down with a knee. The Miz stomps Undertaker's head. The Miz covers The Deadman. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 The Deadman escapes. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - What was that? He's not wrestling me!

[ The Deadman gets up. Phenom gets thrown into the corner and gets boot choked by The Awesome One. The Undertaker hits Mizanin with the back of his elbow. ]

**Mike Tenay** - The Phenom is probably in between winning and losing here.

[The Miz uses a snap mare takeover on Deadman. Mizanin stomps The Phenom. ]

**Jim Ross** - The Awesome One with a stomp.

[ Phenom stands up. Mizanin forearm smashes Phenom. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ Miz pins The Deadman against the ropes and chokes him with his forearm. ]

**Jim Ross** - Miz executes a forearm choke.

[The Undertaker gets hit with a flying forearm right to the face. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[The Undertaker is back on his feet. The Undertaker hits the fallaway slam on Mizanin. Mizanin moves away from the tacks. ]

**Mike Tenay** - I hope one of them doesn't have AIDs!

[They lockup. The Undertaker sends Mizanin to the corner of the ring. The Awesome One forearm smashes Undertaker. ]

**Jim Ross** - The Miz executes a forearm smash.

[ Miz hits The Phenom with the back of his elbow. Phenom with a headbutt on Miz. The Deadman with an illegal chokehold on Miz. Miz gets up. Phenom drives a forearm into Miz. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Nothing is better than that.

[The Miz lifts Great Muta up and drops him on the mat. Mizanin swings a steel chair and hits Great Muta. Great Muta is bleeding as a result. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - Mizanin told me that he believes that I should win an Emmy!

**Jim Ross** - The mat is covered with blood from that injury.

[ Great Muta with a Russian legsweep on The Undertaker. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - OWW! Something has to be broken after that!

[ Muta moves back to his feet. Muta takes Undertaker to the floor. Muta rolls onto The Undertaker connecting with a knee. The Undertaker is up again. The Deadman pins Muta against the ropes and chokes him with his forearm. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ Muta hits Deadman with a heart punch. The Great Muta puts Deadman in an arm grapevine submission. Great Muta applies an arm wrench to The Phenom. Great Muta rolls onto The Undertaker connecting with a knee. The Great Muta applies an arm wrench to Undertaker. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Good move.

[ Muta puts The Phenom in an arm grapevine submission. The Phenom gets up. Undertaker goes for a inverted DDT but The Great Muta dodges the attack. Great Muta runs out of the cage. The Deadman follows. ]

**Jim Ross** - My God! What a match! Are you enjoying this match?

**Bobby Heenan** - Well, DUH!

[ Phenom bounces The Great Muta off the ropes and clotheslines him. The Great Muta moves back to his feet. Muta trys for a dragon screw but is unable to lift The Undertaker delivers a kick to the head of Great Muta. Great Muta is back on his feet. The Miz executes a swinging neckbreaker on Khali. Now Khali standing. The Miz takes Khali to the top of the cell. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Earl Hebner is going to make sure this match runs smoothly.

[ Miz lifts The Great Muta into the air. Holds him and drops him to the mat. The Awesome One stands up. ]

**Jim Ross** - This is quality sports entertainment! Are you enjoying this match?

**Mike Tenay** - Why yes .

[The Miz stomps The Great Muta's head. ]

**Jim Ross** - Miz with a stomp.

[The Miz uses a snap mare takeover on The Great Muta. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Good move.

[ Muta kicks The Awesome One in the head. Muta uses a closed fist on Mizanin. Great Muta gets hit with a flying forearm right to the face. Great Muta is back on his feet. Khali hits Great Muta with a running powerbomb on to the fencing. The Great Khali chants start. The Great Khali slams Muta through the cage to the mat. The Great Khali climbs down. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Great Muta will never defeat The Great Khali if he fights like a girl!

[ Khali runs in and leg drops Great Muta. The Great Khali chants start. The Great Khali swings a chair and hits Great Muta. Great Muta is bleeding as a result. ]

**Jim Ross** - The Ultimate Universal Wrestling Federation is the number on wrestling program on television.

[ Dwayne gets up. Rocky punches Muta repeatedly. The People's Champ uppercuts The Great Muta. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Impressive but won't win a match.

[ Great Muta bounces off the ropes with a handstand Tajiri-style, and hits The Rock with a back elbow. The Great Muta executes a headlock takedown. The Great Muta applies an arm wrench to The People's Champion. Muta covers Rocky hooking the leg. Earl Hebner counts. ...1 Rocky escapes. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - Even I could do better than that!

[ Rocky gets up. The Great Muta does a cartwheel and kicks The Rock in the face. Muta knees Rock and rolls back to his feet. Muta puts The People's Champ in an arm grapevine submission. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Good move.

[ Great Muta goes for a pin. Earl Hebner counts. ...1 The People's Champion escapes. ]

**Jim Ross** - The Great Muta should have known he wouldn't win the match with that.

[ Muta grabs Rock's leg and takes him down. Muta puts The Rock in an arm grapevine submission. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Impressive but won't win a match.

[The Rock is back on his feet. The Great Muta gets hit with a running powerslam by Rock Dwayne is up again. Rocky grabs The Great Muta's arm, takes him down, and puts him in the armbar. Referee Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... The Great Muta trys to escape. ... The Great Muta escapes. After fight The Miz knee drops The Great Muta. Miz stands up. The Great Muta climbs to his feet. The Great Muta gets thrown into the corner and gets boot choked by Miz. Mizanin picks up Muta and drops him neck first on the ropes. The Miz sucks chants start in the crowd. Muta is up again. Great Muta gets snap suplexed by The Awesome One. The Miz moves back to his feet. Muta stands up. The Miz takes The Great Muta down with the Skull Crushing Finale! Mizanin goes for a pin. Earl Hebner counts the pin. ...1 ...2 ...3 Muta was elimintated by Mizanin. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - Well, Great Muta shouldn't have done that!

[ Khali puts Dwayne on the turnbuckle and executes a belly-to-belly superplex. Khali chants start. ]

**Mike Tenay** - What a huge belly-to-belly superplex! That could injure The People's Champion!

[Now Khali standing. Khali covers Dwayne. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 Dwayne escapes. ]

**Jim Ross** - That was almost the end of the match right there!

[ Dwayne stands up. Khali scoops The People's Champ up and drops him on the tacks. ]

**Jim Ross** - My God! What a match!

[The Great Khali lifts The Rock up and drops him on the tacks. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[The Great Khali goes for a pin. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 Rock kicks out. ]

**Jim Ross** - The Great Khali was so close!

[Now The People's Champ standing. Dwayne gets away from the tacks. Khali punches The People's Champ in the gut. ]

**Jim Ross** - fist to midsection!

[ Khali bounces The People's Champion off the ropes and clotheslines him. Khali puts Rock in an arm grapevine submission. The Great Khali applies an arm wrench to Rocky. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Nothing is better than that.

[ Rocky kicks Mizanin in the gut and DDT's him on the mat, afterwards kipping up. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Do you think that Rocky will come up with a win here?

**Bobby Heenan** - Well, DUH!

[ Dwayne suplexes Miz. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Is that move legal? Nothing that painful could be legal.

[ Rock goes for a power move but The Miz dodges the attack. The People's Champ grabs The Miz's arm, takes him down, and puts him in the armbar. Referee Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... ... (AHHHH!) The Miz escapes. Dwayne takes Mizanin to the floor. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - Can we see a replay?

[ The People's Champion piledrives Mizanin. Rocky chants start. Mizanin runs out of the cage. The Rock follows. Khali bounces Phenom off the ropes and hits him with a backdrop. ]

**Jim Ross** - The Great Khali with a backdrop.

[ Undertaker gets up. The Great Khali swings a chair and hits Undertaker. Undertaker is bleeding as a result. ]

**Mike Tenay** - The UUWF is definitely a great place to see action like this!

[The Great Khali tosses The People's Champ across the ring by his throat. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - I didn't know Khali had that much power!

[ Rock gets up. Khali drags Rock back inside the cage. Khali throws the steel steps at Rock. ]

**Jim Ross** - Rock could use some help about now. Are you enjoying this match?

**Bobby Heenan** - Well, DUH!

[The Great Khali powerslams Miz onto the ringside mat. The Great Khali is up again. The Awesome One runs out of the cage. Khali follows. ]

**Jim Ross** - Blood is all over the outside of the cage.

[ Phenom hits Khali with an atomic drop. The fight has moved into the cell. The Undertaker swings a chair and hits Khali. Khali is bleeding as a result. The Undertaker leg drops the throat of The Great Khali. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

**Mike Tenay** - Khali should've trained a bit more due to the fact he's against The Undertaker.

[ Phenom chokes The Great Khali. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - OWW! Something has to be broken after that!

[The Great Khali gets up. The Great Khali rolls into the ring. The Undertaker follows. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Phenom could go for a submission after that move!

[ Phenom swings a steel chair and hits Khali. Khali is bleeding as a result. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - The Phenom told me that he believes that I should win an Emmy!

**Jim Ross** - Blood is all over the ring.

[ The Deadman executes a headlock takedown. Khali is back on his feet. The Great Khali hits the Samoan Drop on The Undertaker. The Phenom hits him with a back fist. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ Khali kicks Phenom in the stomach. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Good move.

[The Great Khali covers The Undertaker. Earl Hebner counts. ...1 The Undertaker escapes. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - He can't win the match with that!

[The Undertaker gets back to his feet. The Great Khali with an illegal chokehold on Undertaker. Khali covers The Undertaker. The ref starts the count. ...1 ...2 The Undertaker kicks out. ]

**Mike Tenay** - He needs to damage The Undertaker faster if he was thinking of getting the win right away.

[The Great Khali kicks The Undertaker in the head. Khali covers Phenom hooking the leg. Earl Hebner counts the pin. ...1 ...2 Phenom kicks out. ]

**Mike Tenay** - He won't get The Phenom with just that.

[The Undertaker gets thrown into the corner and gets boot choked by Khali. The Great Khali short clothslines The Undertaker. ]

**Jim Ross** - The Great Khali with a short clothesline.

[ The Phenom climbs to his feet. Khali takes Undertaker down with a knee. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ Khali puts Deadman in an arm grapevine submission. Khali puts The Phenom in an arm grapevine submission. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Good move.

[The Great Khali covers Phenom. Earl Hebner counts the pin. ...1 ...2 Phenom kicks out. ]

**Jim Ross** - Not even close!

[ Phenom stands up. Khali applies the clawhold on The Phenom. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ Khali chops Deadman. ]

**Jim Ross** - chop!

[ Deadman bounces Khali off the ropes and hits him with a jumping clothesline. Phenom chokes Khali with a camera cable. The Undertaker chokes The Great Khali. ]

**Mike Tenay** - What a huge choke! That could injure The Great Khali!

[ Deadman runs in and leg drops Khali. ]

**Jim Ross** - leg drop!

[ Phenom sends Khali to the floor. The Deadman goes out after him. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - Why is Undertaker going for a cover? He can't cover The Great Khali at ringside

[The Undertaker swings a chair and hits Khali. Khali is bleeding as a result. ]

**Jim Ross** - The Undertaker is doing quite well at this point in the match.

[ The People's Champ picks up Phenom and hits him with a Back Suplex. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Is that move legal? Nothing that painful could be legal.

[ The People's Champ takes Undertaker back into the ring. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - This is I like The People's Champion, he'll take advantage of this position and go for a pin.

**Jim Ross** - What an outstanding match!

**Bobby Heenan** - Have you ever seen that much blood on the ring

[ The People's Champ suplexes Deadman. Rocky covers Undertaker hooking the leg. Earl Hebner counts. ...1 ...2 Undertaker kicks out. ]

**Jim Ross** - That was almost the end of the match right there!

[ Undertaker is back on his feet. Dwayne with the hammerlock on Undertaker. Referee Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... ... Undertaker is fighting the hold. ... Rocky breaks the hold. Rocky swings a chair and hits Undertaker. Undertaker is bleeding as a result. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - Can we see a replay?

[ The People's Champ hits The Phenom with the spinebuster slam. ]

**Jim Ross** - That spinebuster was very good.

[ The People's Champ stands up. The Rock locks Phenom in the Sharpshooter! Earl Hebner asks Phenom if he quits. ... ... ... Dwayne tightens the hold. Phenom escapes. Dwayne swings a steel chair and hits Phenom. Phenom is bleeding as a result. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - Rocky told me that he believes that I should win an Emmy!

[The Rock punches The Undertaker repeatedly. The Undertaker pins The Rock against the ropes and chokes him with his forearm. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Impressive but won't win a match.

[ Dwayne uses a closed fist on The Undertaker. Phenom hits him with a back fist. The Undertaker drives a forearm into the head of The Rock. ]

**Jim Ross** - Rocky takes a forearm smash.

[ Undertaker with a headbutt on The People's Champion. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ The People's Champion kicks Deadman in the back of the leg. The People's Champion clotheslines The Phenom. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Good move.

[ Rock takes The Undertaker down with a knee. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ The People's Champ clotheslines Phenom. Mizanin moves back to his feet. After fight The Awesome One grabs Khali's head and DDT's him on the mat. The Awesome One moves back to his feet. Mizanin nails The Great Khali with an inverted DDT. The Miz knee drops Khali. Miz is up again. Khali gets back to his feet. Mizanin trys for a hotshot but is unable to lift Khali. Mizanin executes the front facelock on Khali. Referee Earl Hebner is checking for a tap out. ... ... ... Mizanin tightens the hold. ... Mizanin tightens the hold. ... Khali trys to escape. ... Khali is fighting the hold. ... ... ... ... Khali taps out. Khali was elimintated by Mizanin. ]

**Jim Ross** - Khali has been eliminated!

[The Undertaker grabs Rocky's head and DDT's him on the mat. ]

**Mike Tenay** - *recoils* Painful!

[ Deadman gets up. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - Can we see a replay? After fight

[The Undertaker executes a headlock takedown. Undertaker pump handle slams Mizanin to the mat. The Awesome One gets up. Phenom climbs the top rope and brings The Miz down with a clothesline off it. The Deadman punches Miz repeatedly. The Undertaker tombstones The Miz onto the mat. Mizanin is out cold! The Undertaker goes for a pin. Earl Hebner counts. ...1 ...2 ...3 The Miz was elimintated by The Undertaker. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Miz is done for!

[ Rock sets The Deadman up DDTs him into the mat. Rock chants start. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - OWW! Something has to be broken after that!

[The Rock and The Undertaker move to ringside. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Well, no submissions count here.

[ The People's Champion clotheslines The Deadman. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[The Undertaker with an illegal chokehold on Rocky. ]

**Jim Ross** - choke hold!

[The Rock stands up. Rock uses a lariat on The Phenom. The Rock punches Phenom repeatedly. The People's Champ thrust kicks The Undertaker in the head. The Undertaker climbs to his feet. The Deadman choke slams Dwayne. ]

**Jim Ross** - That choke slam was very good.

[ The People's Champ heads out the door. Undertaker punches Rock repeatedly. ]

**Jim Ross** - weak move!

[ Undertaker bounces Rocky off the ropes and clotheslines him. The Undertaker clotheslines The Rock. The Deadman delivers a kick to the head of The Rock. The Rock is up again. Rocky hits The Phenom with an atomic drop. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - I didn't know Rock had that much power!

[ The People's Champion and The Phenom are taking the fight inside the hell in the cell. The People's Champ clotheslines Phenom. ]

**Bobby Heenan** - That will hurt him but that move won't win you a match!

[ The People's Champion hits Phenom with the back of his elbow. Phenom hits The People's Champ with the back of his elbow. ]

**Jim Ross** - back elbow!

[ Dwayne short clothslines The Phenom. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Good move.

[They lockup. Dwayne sends Phenom to the corner of ringside. The Phenom uses a lariat on Dwayne. The People's Champion uppercuts The Phenom. Phenom hits a power slam on The People's Champion. ]

**Jim Ross** - That power slam was very good.

[ Rock runs out of the cage. The Deadman follows. ]

**Jim Ross** - The UUWF is the only place for entertainment like this!

[ The People's Champion climbs to his feet. Rocky hits Phenom with the back of his elbow. After fight Deadman hits Rocky with the back of his elbow. The Deadman pins The People's Champ against the ropes and chokes him with his forearm. The Undertaker delivers a kick to the head of Rock. Rock gets back to his feet. The Undertaker slams Dwayne down with the STO. The Deadman executes the front facelock on The Rock. Earl Hebner asks The Rock if he quits. ... (AHHHH!) ... Phenom tightens the hold. ... The Rock trys to escape. ... Phenom tightens the hold. ... (AHHHH!) ... ... ... Phenom tightens the hold. ... (AHHHH!) ... The Rock taps out. The Rock was elimintated by Phenom. ]

**Mike Tenay** - Man, The Rock was my pick!

**Bobby Heenan** - I knew from the beggining that Phenom would win!

**Howard Finkel** - The winner of the battle royal, The Undertaker!

Ultimate Universal Wrestling Federation  
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